One year ago...

One year ago this weekend I graduated from college. This weekend I sit at the other end of a video chat observing graduation from over 1,000 miles away. I'll be honest and admit that I teared up when they sang the Alma Mater, it caused me to realize just how much I miss these people and how proud I am of my friends.

It also caused  me to reflect back on my own graduation one year ago.

If you had told me a year ago that I would be living in the woods and would have spent my week covered in mud, living in the rain and moving piles of dirt for out-of-groups, I think I would have laughed in disbelief. If you had told me that I would absolutely love my job, even with the days that bring me to tears in frustration and stress, I would have wondered what you were talking about.

You see, a year ago I didn't know what I was doing (not that I really do now). I graduated from college with a foggy idea of what was next and what I wanted to do. I was going to be working as a waitress, working at the college I graduated from, and volunteering with a youth group, all while trying to balance a long distance relationship and regular friendships. I managed to do this successfully for almost 9 months, but somewhere in the middle of those months I realized I was supposed to be doing more, the only thing was that I didn't really know what more consisted of. In light of this knowing of needing more, I started the job hunt. I didn't really know what I was hunting for, but I was pursuing jobs at summer camps. I love summer camps and have always dreamed of working at one, if we're being honest, I still do. Anyways, I applied at over a dozen camps and heard back from only one in the course of a couple months, and all they told me was that I didn't have enough years of experience.

My mom started helping me look for a job and honestly, I didn't really read all the job descriptions when I was applying. Nevertheless, I heard back from one job in less than 24 hours. When I heard back I was a little shocked. I went back through my mom's emails and noticed that this was a job that she said that I seemed to be perfect for. I had no idea what I had got an interview for. I went and found the school online and I think I left the website more confused than not. I figured out that we lived in the woods, in tents, and it was with teen girls. There was confusion with my interview based on time differences, but we got it worked out and I hung up the phone confident that it went well. I flew home to Minnesota the next day for Christmas and got an offer for the job the day after that. The Monday before Christmas, I said "Yes" to the job. I still don't think I really knew what I was getting myself into, but I knew it was right. Without a doubt I knew that this was the right step for me.

Over the last 3 months, knowing that this is where I'm supposed to be right now is one of the things that has kept me grounded. Coming here was one of the clearest things I've ever known that was without a doubt, God asking me to move. This has kept me grounded through leaving all my friends, my church, and my safety net in Arkansas and moving even farther away from my family in Minnesota. This has kept me grounded through the ending of a long term relationship right after I got to Virginia. Even through the doubts and the "What if's" that I asked after losing one of my best friends, knowing that I was supposed to be at this job kept me grounded. It's kept me grounded through the days that I go to bed crying because I'm stressed, because I miss my friends, because I'm lonely, because I don't know what I'm doing.

Then there at the days that I am reminded why He sent me here. There are the days that are so rewarding that I have an adrenaline rush from doing issues. The "Ah-Ha!" moments for the girls, the times when I've watched 12 difunctional girls band together and function as a healthy group and finish brace-and-biting a tent rail so that we can eat in the lodge for dinner. I'm so proud of the girls that I work with and often wish that they could see the change in their life as clearly as I do. I hurt for them when I know that they have potential and are stubbornly refusing to do anything.

At the end of each week I know one thing for sure. This is the hardest job I've ever had. Every day I am pushed physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in a way that I would have never thought possible. See, you can't live and function and help these girls grow if you aren't growing yourself. For every bit of growth that they achieve, I think I grow twice what they do. I'm pretty sure that they will never understand the growth that they have encouraged and been a part of in their staff's lives.

When I think back to what I wanted to do when I left college, I am doing exactly that.

I am mentoring teenage girls.

I am not sitting at a desk.

I am working outside.

I am living life with those I mentor.

I am counseling.

I am pushing others to recognize their flawed thinking patterns.

I am building relationships.

I am teaching these girls what a healthy life can look like.

I am exemplifying a woman who is confident in herself.

I am showing them that they don't need to seek the approval of men to be complete.

I am exemplifying to them what patience & forgiveness looks like. 

I am the only light of Jesus that these girls see on a daily basis.

I am very possibly the first time that they have ever met unconditional love

- and it confuses them every day.

I am doing exactly what I always wanted to do, just in a way that I never thought possible. So yeah, a year ago I wasn't sure what I'm doing, but this whole time I've been confident that God knows what He's doing, and He brought me right where I needed to be, and to something that he's been preparing me for. 

I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I suppose it will be until God tells me to move again. I have a feeling He's preparing me for something else, but I'm not sure what it is. I suppose I'll tell you guys when I figure that part out. For now, I'm learning to live day-to-day with Him as the only Christian in my environment and pouring out His love on these girls. Even on the days that I question His plan, I know that He's got one and that I'm doing His will for me at this moment.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Sara Jean