"What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different." -Romans 7:15-25 (MSG)
I'm sitting in a Dun Bros in the Cities while Danni is at work, the original goal of mine was to work on school work while I was here. I am failing majorly at that goal- motivation is not mine today. ;) But I regress, That passage in Romans has been stuck in my head for days now. I so often understand Paul's struggle that he writes of in Romans. I do not do what I want to do, but what I do not want to do, I do! I do not understand what I do but I do it anyways. The honesty of Paul is a wonderful reminder that he was human, just like me. :) Just like this wonderful reminder:
"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13 (MSG)
My brain is jumping all over the place at the moment, might be from Dun Bro's coffee... it makes me jumpy o.o Anyways, I'll try to focus my brain on this and make this all make sense... The 3rd verse that I've had running through my head is this:
"Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave." - Galatians 1:10 (MSG)
I guess the reminder to myself that's been on my heart these days is this- There is nothing that I go through that is unique to me, no temptation that I have is unique to me. I am not alone, even when I feel alone, I'm not! I am not the only one who doesn't understand my sin nature. I am not the only one who doesn't understand why I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I want to do! And lastly, my purpose on earth is not to be loved by every person I meet. If anything, we're told that we will be suffer trials and tests. The life of a Christian isn't an easy one. There is no "easy faith." We will be challenged, we will go through trials, but- we will never be alone, we can't do it alone. But we can come through unscathed, because Christ will be there with us.
"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. When down-and-outers get a break, cheer! And when the arrogant rich are brought down to size, cheer! Prosperity is as short-lived as a wildflower, so don't ever count on it. You know that as soon as the sun rises, pouring down its scorching heat, the flower withers. Its petals wilt and, before you know it, that beautiful face is a barren stem. Well, that's a picture of the "prosperous life." At the very moment everyone is looking on in admiration, it fades away to nothing. Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life. Don't let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, "God is trying to trip me up." God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one's way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer. So, my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures." James 1:2-18 (MSG)
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