The Proverbs 31 woman is one of those things held out to all women to try and obtain. Some women look at the chapter with disdain for it outlines the woman they desire to be and realize they can never be. Other women look at this chapter as a challenge to be met, a thing to conquer; that when this chapter is accomplished they are truly and fully “women of God.” But what does this chapter really mean? Is it something that all women should be trying to become? What does it mean to try and be a Proverbs 31 woman today? This paper will take a look at how Jews view Proverbs 31, how women attempt to interpret Proverbs 31, and a look at how Proverbs 31 should be approached in the modern day.
In Jewish tradition this passage of scripture is not translated literally. This was not a list of things for a woman to become. In an Orthodox Jewish home, at the beginning of Shabbat, Eshet Chayil, is sung. The Eshet Chayil, is essentially, Proverbs 31 put to music. It is traditionally sung by the men at the table in honor of the women in their lives, if there are no women present, it is sung in honor of Jewish women everywhere, if there are no men present, the women sing in honor of their fellow Jewish sisters and Jewish womanhood. This song is not sung to remind women of how much they are lacking in skills, this song is sung in honor of their abilities and of all they do and sacrifice for their families. Jewish tradition says that the Jews have all thanks for their survival owed to Jewish women. From saving babies from certain death under Pharaoh, Rebecca who disguised her younger son to receive the blessing for the oldest, Esther who saved her people from certain death, and the wife of every home who keeps the traditions of the central Jewish holidays, keeping them holy and sacred. Jews use Proverbs 31 as a song of praise to the women in their life, the queen of their house, and if you ever happen to forget how important she is in your life, you sing this song once a week just so you remember.
Today, women view Proverbs 31 as a challenge to take on; striving to be the, ‘perfect Proverbs wife.’ In many homeschool communities young girls are raised with this enigma that they must learn all these skills, be able to accomplish these things in order to be marriageable or to be a good wife in any way, shape, or form. If the Jews view this as a song of praise, what happened that we now view this as an impossible challenge? How has Proverbs 31 become the picture of a “perfect wife?” Christian ministries aimed at women bear titles such as “Proverbs 31 Ministries,” and not to mention the multitude of books covering the topic of a perfect wife. Women either strive to become or rebel against these ideas presented to them with blog titles such as, “The Proverbs 31 Flunkie,” or “Becoming a Modern Day Proverbs 31 Woman.” Why does this chapter cause such uproar of opinions? What is within this chapter that causes women to love or hate it so much?
First, those who strive to be the ultimate Proverbs 31 woman- why do they want to fit this mold? Proverbs 31:10 states, “A wife of noble character who can find?” From there, it lists qualities of a good wife: her husband has confidence in her, she brings her husband good, she knows how to work with fibers such as wool and flax, she is an eager worker, she works long hours, she feeds her family, she is a shrewd business dealer, she works hard, she is strong, she cares for those around her, she is a talented seamstress, she speaks wisdom she sells her work, her house is in good order, she is not idle, her children arise and call her blessed, lastly her husband blesses and praises her. This list has led many women to pick up sewing, weaving, spinning, owning sheep, working from their home, or living in distain of their inability to cook or keep a clean house. There are blogs filled with the best way to do things, how to be the best homeschool mom possible, how to run a business from your home while homeschooling your kids, sewing their clothes, and cooking all the meals. The desire to fulfill all these roles is admirable, but in all honesty, slightly insane. No woman could be expected to have a clean house, clean kids, a meal created from scratch on the table, a business, and handcrafts going all at once and not be insane, or totally and completely overwhelmed. Not to say that there are not women out there who do manage to fulfill these roles not only decently, but well, and still have a sane life, but there cannot be that many.
Then there are those who identify themselves as a “Proverbs 31 flunkie.” These are the women who have been told at some point that this Proverbs 31 woman is who they are supposed to become. In an article titled, Confessions of a Proverbs 31 Flunkie, Vicki Courtney shares her story of trying to become the exemplar Proverbs 31 woman. She explains that she was introduced to the idea of a Proverbs 31 woman in College and had it explained as a list of “to-dos” that a good wife must fulfill. After getting married a little over a year later, she started her downhill slope. She had never really learned to cook and struggled to do laundry properly all the time and felt guilty when she was behind on chores. She said that her problem was expounded when the kids came, she realized that there was no way she could accomplish the roles of a good wife and mother under the constraints of this “to-do” list in her head that was modeled after a good Proverbs 31 wife. She said her breaking point was when she attended a conference about the meaning of being a “Virtuous Woman.” One of the topics taught at the conference was the importance of sorting your husband’s dress socks by color. She walked away feeling like a total failure. These are the women who reject the idea of the Proverbs 31 woman, the woman who feel oppressed by the idea of what they are not.
So, who is this mystical Proverbs 31 woman? Is she really someone that women are supposed to spend their entire life trying to become? If you look at Proverbs 31, it’s quite the list to try and accomplish. Trying to accomplish even half the list in a life time would be quite the feat. This woman is not the picture that we are given when someone is labeled as a wonderful example of a Proverbs 31 woman. A Proverbs 31 woman is a force to be reckoned with. If we look at Proverbs 31 in the light that the Jews do, this woman is incredible, she is the cornerstone of her home, her family adores her, and her husband loves her. She is a woman who is a shrewd business dealer. She runs a business, she makes a profit, and she makes good money. This woman is respected because she is wise and knowledgeable. Her litmus test of being a good wife is not dependent on organized sock drawers, getting grass stains out of pants, her ability to sew or knit, or her ability to be a perfect wife, her litmus test is where her heart is. A Proverbs 31 woman is a woman who is sold out for God. Her desire to serve her family comes from her love and devotion to Christ. Like many women today, she has double duties. She works outside her home, and she is a homemaker. A woman who fits the mold is not a woman who has a perfectly clean home, perfectly clean children and a perfectly balanced and healthy meal prepared every night. She is a woman who has her priorities straight. She is passionate and a hard worker, her husband trusts her completely, she does her tasks with diligence, and she honors God with her life. It doesn’t actually reference God in the Proverb, but a woman who is passionate about her life, her family, and her husband, a woman who is hard working and diligent, a woman who is intelligent and wise, she sounds like a solid definition of a woman of God.
So how does one become a Proverbs 31 woman? To become a woman of noble character, you must be trustworthy, people should trust you, who you are, and know that you will follow through with commitments, handle possessions wisely, handle other’s possessions wisely, and do what is right when no one is looking. You must be hard working, when presented with a job that isn’t the most incredible thing to wake up to every day, you continue to do your best work, don’t slack. You must learn to be caring. A Proverbs 31 woman cares for those under her protection and cares for those who have less than her, she is a mother who knows where her priorities lie. Lastly, a woman of virtue does not need to bring praise for herself, for those around her will praise her for who she is, a woman of God.
In Jewish tradition this passage of scripture is not translated literally. This was not a list of things for a woman to become. In an Orthodox Jewish home, at the beginning of Shabbat, Eshet Chayil, is sung. The Eshet Chayil, is essentially, Proverbs 31 put to music. It is traditionally sung by the men at the table in honor of the women in their lives, if there are no women present, it is sung in honor of Jewish women everywhere, if there are no men present, the women sing in honor of their fellow Jewish sisters and Jewish womanhood. This song is not sung to remind women of how much they are lacking in skills, this song is sung in honor of their abilities and of all they do and sacrifice for their families. Jewish tradition says that the Jews have all thanks for their survival owed to Jewish women. From saving babies from certain death under Pharaoh, Rebecca who disguised her younger son to receive the blessing for the oldest, Esther who saved her people from certain death, and the wife of every home who keeps the traditions of the central Jewish holidays, keeping them holy and sacred. Jews use Proverbs 31 as a song of praise to the women in their life, the queen of their house, and if you ever happen to forget how important she is in your life, you sing this song once a week just so you remember.
Today, women view Proverbs 31 as a challenge to take on; striving to be the, ‘perfect Proverbs wife.’ In many homeschool communities young girls are raised with this enigma that they must learn all these skills, be able to accomplish these things in order to be marriageable or to be a good wife in any way, shape, or form. If the Jews view this as a song of praise, what happened that we now view this as an impossible challenge? How has Proverbs 31 become the picture of a “perfect wife?” Christian ministries aimed at women bear titles such as “Proverbs 31 Ministries,” and not to mention the multitude of books covering the topic of a perfect wife. Women either strive to become or rebel against these ideas presented to them with blog titles such as, “The Proverbs 31 Flunkie,” or “Becoming a Modern Day Proverbs 31 Woman.” Why does this chapter cause such uproar of opinions? What is within this chapter that causes women to love or hate it so much?
First, those who strive to be the ultimate Proverbs 31 woman- why do they want to fit this mold? Proverbs 31:10 states, “A wife of noble character who can find?” From there, it lists qualities of a good wife: her husband has confidence in her, she brings her husband good, she knows how to work with fibers such as wool and flax, she is an eager worker, she works long hours, she feeds her family, she is a shrewd business dealer, she works hard, she is strong, she cares for those around her, she is a talented seamstress, she speaks wisdom she sells her work, her house is in good order, she is not idle, her children arise and call her blessed, lastly her husband blesses and praises her. This list has led many women to pick up sewing, weaving, spinning, owning sheep, working from their home, or living in distain of their inability to cook or keep a clean house. There are blogs filled with the best way to do things, how to be the best homeschool mom possible, how to run a business from your home while homeschooling your kids, sewing their clothes, and cooking all the meals. The desire to fulfill all these roles is admirable, but in all honesty, slightly insane. No woman could be expected to have a clean house, clean kids, a meal created from scratch on the table, a business, and handcrafts going all at once and not be insane, or totally and completely overwhelmed. Not to say that there are not women out there who do manage to fulfill these roles not only decently, but well, and still have a sane life, but there cannot be that many.
Then there are those who identify themselves as a “Proverbs 31 flunkie.” These are the women who have been told at some point that this Proverbs 31 woman is who they are supposed to become. In an article titled, Confessions of a Proverbs 31 Flunkie, Vicki Courtney shares her story of trying to become the exemplar Proverbs 31 woman. She explains that she was introduced to the idea of a Proverbs 31 woman in College and had it explained as a list of “to-dos” that a good wife must fulfill. After getting married a little over a year later, she started her downhill slope. She had never really learned to cook and struggled to do laundry properly all the time and felt guilty when she was behind on chores. She said that her problem was expounded when the kids came, she realized that there was no way she could accomplish the roles of a good wife and mother under the constraints of this “to-do” list in her head that was modeled after a good Proverbs 31 wife. She said her breaking point was when she attended a conference about the meaning of being a “Virtuous Woman.” One of the topics taught at the conference was the importance of sorting your husband’s dress socks by color. She walked away feeling like a total failure. These are the women who reject the idea of the Proverbs 31 woman, the woman who feel oppressed by the idea of what they are not.
So, who is this mystical Proverbs 31 woman? Is she really someone that women are supposed to spend their entire life trying to become? If you look at Proverbs 31, it’s quite the list to try and accomplish. Trying to accomplish even half the list in a life time would be quite the feat. This woman is not the picture that we are given when someone is labeled as a wonderful example of a Proverbs 31 woman. A Proverbs 31 woman is a force to be reckoned with. If we look at Proverbs 31 in the light that the Jews do, this woman is incredible, she is the cornerstone of her home, her family adores her, and her husband loves her. She is a woman who is a shrewd business dealer. She runs a business, she makes a profit, and she makes good money. This woman is respected because she is wise and knowledgeable. Her litmus test of being a good wife is not dependent on organized sock drawers, getting grass stains out of pants, her ability to sew or knit, or her ability to be a perfect wife, her litmus test is where her heart is. A Proverbs 31 woman is a woman who is sold out for God. Her desire to serve her family comes from her love and devotion to Christ. Like many women today, she has double duties. She works outside her home, and she is a homemaker. A woman who fits the mold is not a woman who has a perfectly clean home, perfectly clean children and a perfectly balanced and healthy meal prepared every night. She is a woman who has her priorities straight. She is passionate and a hard worker, her husband trusts her completely, she does her tasks with diligence, and she honors God with her life. It doesn’t actually reference God in the Proverb, but a woman who is passionate about her life, her family, and her husband, a woman who is hard working and diligent, a woman who is intelligent and wise, she sounds like a solid definition of a woman of God.
So how does one become a Proverbs 31 woman? To become a woman of noble character, you must be trustworthy, people should trust you, who you are, and know that you will follow through with commitments, handle possessions wisely, handle other’s possessions wisely, and do what is right when no one is looking. You must be hard working, when presented with a job that isn’t the most incredible thing to wake up to every day, you continue to do your best work, don’t slack. You must learn to be caring. A Proverbs 31 woman cares for those under her protection and cares for those who have less than her, she is a mother who knows where her priorities lie. Lastly, a woman of virtue does not need to bring praise for herself, for those around her will praise her for who she is, a woman of God.
Really enjoyed reading this article. Proverbs 31 is one of my favorite passages
ReplyDelete